Linda Salisbury's Story

June 7, 2007

How does one speak of the death of a loved one? How does one begin to explain one’s knowingness when one of our loved ones has passed? These questions have made me realize that when you, yourself, experience a loss, you feel that you are the only one who knows and understands the depth of your emotions, the deepness and severity of your loss and that there is no one out in this world of ours that could possibly understand what you are enduring. Your grief is overwhelming and you wonder how you are just going to make it through one minute of your day, let alone a full day or a week, a month or a year.

There are many who say they understand your grief for they too have gone through it. There are those who only say those words but are not coming from their heart of true knowingness. To them, it is just another loss and we had just best move on with our lives for there is nothing you can do to change what has happened. Then there is someone who walks into your life who gives you a piece of their own soul to help you through each minute of each day and you come to a place of understanding in your own soul that you will make it through the next minute, the next hour, the next day.

I say these words from my soul for I learned them from a dear loved one who passed when I was 26 years old. My friend Bob had a quadruple bypass at the age of 31 in August of 1976 and we both assumed that he was healed and given a clean bill of health. We were married on a Thursday in February 1977, George Washington/President’s Day weekend. All that week I felt and saw a black cloud hanging over my head but could not understand the significance of it all. I kept it to myself as most would say, it was only pre-wedding day jitters and anxiety. On the day we were to be married before the Justice of the Peace, we presented ourselves to the municipal building at 6 p.m. believing that is where it was to take place, only to find out it was at the high school where they held traffic court that evening. We raced over to the high school and as we waited for the judge to appear in the room, I turned to my maid of honor and told her that “this was not going to work out”. I just did not know the “how” but knew beyond any shred of doubt in my beingness that this was not going to be. The judge finally showed up and began to recite our vows and as he asked me to repeat the vows and say I do, my brain was shouting and screaming inside me NO NO NO and I felt this presence take over my vocal chords and say “I DO”. It was a frightening experience yet at the same time you managed to move forward with what happened without question.

On Friday afternoon we left New Jersey to spend the weekend in New York City, having reservations at The Plaza Hotel at Central Park. On the drive into the City, Bob kept telling me all of the places he wanted to take me to see while in the city and how he had planned it all for that evening. Time seemed to have stopped still. We check into the hotel and from there went downtown to see the Twin Towers and go to the top of the world there to look out and truly see the world. After that we headed back uptown to have dinner at Benihana and from there, we went to the Playboy Club for a drink. Again time seemed to remain standing still. We had left New Jersey at around 4 p.m. and by the time we had done everything and returned to the hotel lobby for an after dinner drink and coffee, it was 8 p.m. We had done so much in such a short period of time. As we were enjoying our coffee, Bob began to complain of a headache and wanted to go to our room so we did. As I laid on the bed, my head on the pillow, I felt as if someone had hit me over the head with a very soft mallet, knocking me out completely. I heard and felt nothing until about an hour later when I woke up with a start, feeling a huge weight on my hip and I found Bob had fallen over from a massive heart attack and knew that he was gone.

It was a very long night needless to say as I found myself in a City that at that point felt empty and devoid of people and there was no one that I knew. Fortunately my neighbor from New Jersey came to get me in the early hours of the morning. My black cloud had burst open and my knowingness revealed.

This was my first true experience with death and could not really grasp what had happened and what it all meant. I only focused on the what if, could have, should haves of the premonitions I had felt for several days. Was there anything I could have done to prevent Bob from departing? No, there was nothing that I or anyone else could have or should have done. It was not until his brother had called me several months later to let me know that Bob’s gravestone was ready and to ask me what I wanted written on the stone. In that instant, I heard “PEACE” and it was in that moment of time that I understood and felt that Bob was at peace with himself, with his soul and with all of the choices he had made throughout his entire life on earth.

Bob taught me so much in the short time we were together and I am so blessed to have been a part of his life. He shared a love that was deep and honoring and I thank him for the lessons and the love he gave me. He is the one who gave me a piece of his soul from the Other Side when he told me PEACE and it is that word, that piece of him that helped me understand and to make it through the next minute, the next hour, the next day, the next month and the years that have come and gone since then. We never forget the bond that existed then as it exists now.

Linda Salisbury

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